


Lose Yourself to Love

by Llemoncello



Category: CrankGameplays - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Arguing, Depression, Domestic Violence, F/M, Falling In Love, Fighting, Secret Crush, Suicidal Tendencies, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-07-10 01:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15938579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llemoncello/pseuds/Llemoncello
Summary: Senior year of Highschool so far is going perfect. You have a great boyfriend and great friends. Everything is finally lined up with each other, just the way you’ve wanted since forever. But what happens once your deepest secrets are revealed? Does your world come crash using down or will it change for the better?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been wanting to write a pretty angst story, hope you guys like!

You look at yourself in the rear view mirror once you put your car in park. Not bad you must say so. You check your watch, only half way through lunch, that was quick. You pick up a brown paper bag and and step out of your car, you press the lock button twice till your car goes off . Satisfied, you hand the lanyard of your keys around your neck and head towards the middle of your high school campus.   
You knock on the door to the office of your favorite teacher.  
“What’s up?” He stood opened the door, making you realize how much taller he really is.  
“You said you couldn’t find your wallet so I brought you food.” You set the paper bag on his desk and pull out a burrito, carefully checking if it’s yours or not.   
“You didn’t have-“   
“Dude it’s fine.”  
“It’s mister Dude to you.”   
You roll your eyes and laugh. “Whatever Galvino.”  
“Where you off to now (y/n)?”  
“Gonna see who else I can bother”  
As you wave off Mr. Galvin you head to your usual spot with your friends, under the giant Redwood tree. Close enough to the parking lots and the Quad.   
As you head to the tree you can see a lot of your friends already made it back from going out to get food for lunch, you already know that they’re going to bash you for being late. You say hello to everyone: Signe, Amy, Matt, Mark, Ethan, Seán, Kat, and Tyler. Last but not least you greet your boyfriend of two years, Andrew. You had Calculus with Amy and Matt, music with Seán, English with Kat, weight training with Mark, Ethan and Signe, government with Tyler, and Chem with Ethan. Leaving your boyfriend to be the only one in the group you didn’t have a class with, but you two did your best with what you had, Andrew would try his best to walk you to each class but the man could only do so much.  
“Look who’s late” Mark teases you.  
“Whatever,” you say, “I dropped off some food for a teacher.” As you took a seat between Andrew and Ethan your keys jingled.   
“So (y/n) we were talking about the homecoming dance coming up, you going.” Signe asked as she blew on her Chinese take out.  
“I’ll think about it.”  
Matt snorts. “She’s waiting for someone to ask her out, till then she won’t do registration,” he looks over at Andrew. “Soooooo, Andrewww is there something you should ask (y/n)?”   
Andrew knows immediately what he’s hinting at but ignores the question. “Oh yeah, can I have some of your drink?”   
You roll your eyes at Matt and hand your drink to Andrew.   
The rest of lunch went smoothly, until Mark made everyone laugh so hard that Andrew spit out your drink right on you, right at the end of the lunch period.   
“Holy crap (y/n) I’m so sorry, I’ll try to see if I have some spare clothes in my car-“ The bell to the end of lunch rang.  
“-shit no I cleaned out my car two days again, but I’ll find something-“ Andrew was finding ways to help, but you just wanted the day to be over.  
You take a deep breath “Andrew get to class.”  
With his head down Andrew, Mark, and Matt make their way to class.  
Ethan quickly ran to his car, which was the nearest to where you guys were, and pulled out some spare clothes for you.   
A couple minutes later he hands you a black long sleeved shirt with a skull on the left breast.  
“I usually wear this one for pajamas but it’ll do.”  
You change out of your wet clothes, Ethan offers to put your dirty clothes in his car and you oblige. Just as Tyler, Amy, Seán, Kat, Signe, Ethan and you step on the quad the late bell for fifth period goes off.   
“Great.” You say your good-byes to everyone and quickly head over to your government class with Tyler.

The end of sixth period chemistry is soon to come. You and Ethan finish up the end of your experiment.   
“Are you upset with Andrew?” Ethan glanced at you slightly but focuses on the mixture.   
“No, it was an honest mistake, I’ve just been having a hard day.”   
Ethan looks at you in the eyes for the first time since lunch. He looks at his shirt in which you are wearing.   
“Okay (y/n).” He went back to focusing on the mixture.   
“Any plans for the weekend, Nestor?” You change the subject.  
“Not unless you plan to make some with me.” He chuckled at himself. “You?”  
You shake your head. “I’m going to the music room after school and that’s pretty much it.”   
“Is Andrew going with you?”   
“Andrew has sixth period off, so no. He’s most likely home by now.”   
“Right..”   
Once the two of you completely clean up your experiment you notice Ethan staring at you again. As the bell to the end of the school day goes off Ethan picks up his backpack, easily slips his arm through the straps and bids a farewell to you. 

You leave the music room at 7pm, sundown. It got to the point where your music teacher began to ask if you were okay, if you were avoiding something. Questions were avoided and you headed to your car. You grabbed the handle to open your car and pulled it, locked. Okay that’s fine, just get your keys. You look around your jean pockets. Nope. You search through your backpack, you got desperate and poured your notebooks and folders out. Nothing. Ethan.   
When Andrew spit on you, you had to take off your lanyard. You packed your junk back in your backpack and sat on the hot California asphalt, back against your car. You watch the sun begin to set as you bring your knees up to your chest. You close your eyes.   
It’s days like this that make you want to never get up in the morning. Just lay in bed and waste away. You could hot wire your car and lock pick it, maybe break the window? Too expensive. You could call Andrew? Matt knew a few things about cars. Mark and Seán do sports maybe they’re still on campus? Signe lives a few streets away. Just waste away.   
A slight breeze begins to come in as the young nights peaks it’s ugly head during sundown. You feel a soft push against the side of your car, a bit to your left. Your eyes shoot open, someone is going to murder you.   
It’s Ethan, it’s just Ethan. His green and hazel eyes looked into yours and you burst out in tears.   
Ethan brought his knees up to his chest and sat there with you. Your sobs would break the silence every so often.  
After a while Ethan reached his arm out to you and held you in a tight embrace while sitting on the parking lot asphalt, just as night came.  
Wrong person wrong time.  
You could be at home right now, crying in the comfort of your room wearing your pajamas and an oversized shirt.   
It could be Andrew holding you right now in a tight embrace telling you sweet nothings.  
But life didn’t work like that. You weren’t home. You weren’t with Andrew. You were outside your car with Ethan.   
After you collected yourself you realized what had just happened. You had broken down, something that hadn’t happened to you in a good while. You were going downhill again you thought to yourself. Waste away.   
Ethan declared that you were in no condition to drive home. He took you to his car and drove you home instead. The drive was silent, the windows were down and the cool end of the summer breeze pushed through your hairs as you laid your head on the car door.   
You felt like you finally broke. How the hell does one react to that.  
Ethan’s car stops at a sudden red light. No other car is on the street though there are many people walking the street downtown in the hot LA night. Ethan decided to break the silence.   
“Is Andrew allowed to know about this?” His voice was stiff.  
“About what?” Your voice sounded groggy and caught you off guard.  
“That I’ve seen you in your most vulnerable state, I highly doubt you even wanted me to see you break down.”  
“Listen Nestor, I don’t really give a damn anymore. About this whole image thing, it’s a damn facade.” You run your fingers through your hair and turn away from him.  
“Typical.”   
“Typical what?” You still don’t look at him.  
“The moment I think that you’re about to open up to me, you don’t. You take it all back and pretend all is right again. Tell me the truth (y/n), you’re not a facade, this Andrew thing is.”   
“What the hell are you talking about?”   
Ethan started to get irritated with your tone. “You don’t love Andrew! You feel like you have to! So your rude to everyone in hopes that Andrew will stay?! I don’t know! But this isn’t the You I met years ago! You changed and I don’t fucking get it.”   
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about Nestor, get your nose out of other peoples shit!”  
“I can’t when he fucking beats you! I can’t when I see the damn bruises and your tear stained face! You’re fucking scared like the rest of us so just fucking show it!”   
You open the passenger car door and step out of Ethan’s car, dodging traffic.  
He’s not an idiot after all.


	2. Chapter 2

You brush your wet hair to the side while you bounce down the stairs. It was 9pm, you walked the rest of the way home and to your surprise, no one was home. This is why everyone at school thinks you have mommy and daddy issues, because they’ve never seen your mommy and daddy. You pull out your phone  
You: Can you two come over?  
Mark: right now?  
Seán: Raunchy.  
You: Gross.  
Seán: why?  
You: my parents aren’t home  
Mark: I thought you were dating Andrew (y/n)?  
You: you’re an idiot  
Seán: it’s late but I’ll tell my parents I’m leaving.  
Mark: be there in a few.  
It takes a few minutes for Seán and Mark to arrive at your place. A careful knock hits your front door  
You: it’s open.  
You text them. Mark opens the door and announces his presence. Seán quickly shushes him.  
“No ones home so I don’t really care.” You advise them.  
“Where are the Mr. and Mrs.” Mark asks as he jumps on your couch.  
“Working, like slaves.” You remark.  
You take a seat next to Mark on the couch.  
“So what’s up.” Seán asks as he sits on the ground by your feet.  
“Long day, broke down in front of Ethan, argued with him. Now I’m here.”  
“He worries about you. We worry about you.” Mark comforts you.  
You stick your tongue out and make a gross noise.  
“I don’t get why though, you don’t need to be worried about me!”  
Seán shrugs at your remark. He knows exactly why he should be worried about you. Andrew is a nice guy but has a bit of a temper once you get to know him. He’s great at hiding though, which makes Andrew a great friend, but not a great lover. Seán looks up at you.  
“I think I worry about everyone.” Mark confessed.  
“Does he hit you (y/n)?” Seán couldn’t keep it in anymore.  
“What?” Your face turns a bit red.  
“The bruises, are they because of him? Is that why you purposely hurt yourself, before he gets to you? Does he scare you when he gets mad? Is he only scary because he’s bigger than you?”  
“Dude,” Mark tried to make Seán stop  
“I can’t take it Mark and I know you can’t either, (y/n), I think that’s why Ethan was worried about you.”  
The fact that Seán just called you out made your spine give out on you. But you just snorted and smiled.  
“Sure Jack,” was all you could say.  
Mark stares at you in disbelief.  
A call comes through your phone just before Seán makes you admit the truth. Saved by the bell, or the phone in this case. Though the call didn’t seem to be any better than the tension in the room. It was Ethan. Calling for god knows why. You don’t answer.  
“Who is it?” Mark asks  
“Telemarketer.” You tell him and focus on the tv.  
Your phone immediately starts to blow up with messages.  
Ethan: pick up  
Ethan: pick up please  
Ethan: are you home?  
Ethan: please pick up the phone  
Ethan: we need to talk  
Ethan: come on  
Ethan: I’m coming over  
Ethan: please be okay  
“Doesn’t sound like a telemarketer.” Mark picks up your phone “he’s worried, call him.”  
Immediately then there’s a knock on your door.  
“Speak of the devil and he shall come.” Seán tried to lighten the mood.  
You: it’s open  
You send the message to Ethan  
Not even a hesitation and he immediately opens the door.  
Seeing Mark and Seán there caught him off guard. Ethan took a step slowly.  
“H-hey..”  
Seán and Mark stared at the open door, Ethan’s stance was sort of protective as if he were ready to fight off a dragon for his princess.  
“S-sorry, I guess I just assumed that (y/n) was alone.”  
Seán looks over at Mark, nudging his head over to the front door, Mark responds  
“Oh yeah, (y/n) I should take Seán home, his parents said that he could only be out for a bit to come check on you.” Both men quickly grabbed their coats and closed your front door behind them, leaving you and the tall and lanky boy alone.  
You tried to not acknowledge him, even though his sneakers squeaked on the floor when he walked in, even though he was still looking at you with caring eyes. Something pierced Ethan’s brain and he decided to sit down with you on your couch. He had sunk in on the spot that Mark was just sitting in, the cool and shivering inducing air around you had suddenly become warm. His hands rested on his legs and he tried to avoid staring at you, it was his sort of way of giving you space but wanting to be with you all in the same time. You lean against him, pressing your tear stained face against his shoulder. He slowly wraps his arm around you, carefully rubbing his thumb in circles. You begin to sob.  
Andrew was a good guy, he spoiled you, he loved you, he payed attention to you. But he had begun to not answer your texts, him spitting up on you was the first time in a week that you had seen him. Now here you are, on your living room couch crying on Ethan because of him. This wasn’t right.  
“Nestor, I think you should go home.”  
Ethan looks over at you, concern began to spread to his eyes.  
“Please just leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had written chapter on e and a good portion of chapter two back in September of 2018, I had finally finished chapter two after going back and re-reading it again in July of 2019. Thinking back to the place that I had been in just last year makes you really think about how much time had changed, anyway, I hope you enjoyed! I’ll try to write more soon and maybe it won’t take another year for another chapter


End file.
